while you were waiting...

It’s been a while…

For all two of you who read my blog, sorry for the lack of update. As I mentioned before, I found writing is really hard. Those who knows me, know that I could talk for hours on the phone or even face to face (well, most of my friends are quiet persons). So, this thing is really new to me. I’ve yet to adopt the habit of carrying notebook everywhere to jot down my thoughts to be blogged later. So, bear with me, you two. ;)

Recently, a close friend lost his father. (Az, condolences to you). Any death made me sad. I seldom cry but I always cry at funerals. Heck, I even cry watching death in movies. Once, I cried at a distance relative’s funeral, made my mom looking at me weirdly (sejak bile anak aku ni kuat nangis?!).
However, when my grandmother (on my father’s side) died last month, I was so shocked by her death that I didn’t even feel like crying. And I also mengelak from seeing her for the last time because of the previous trauma that I had when my grandpa (on my mom’s side) passed away. Furthermore, it’s like nobody has time to even berkabung. You see, my grandma lived in a kampung that still has old tradition. In any event of death, the whole kampung will be coming to the house at night after Isyak to recite yasin & tahlil. So, the close relatives (children, grandchildren) will be busy cooking dinner for the people coming. I found this rather sad because my grandma had a very large family, with 12 children and so many grandchildren, great grandchildren & great-great grandchildren, instead of everyone gathering at home and recite yasin for her, everyone’s busy in the kitchen cooking. This is so different from when my grandfather (on my mother’s side) died 7 years ago.
My grandpa died after Subuh. After his Solat Subuh at the mosque, he felt chest pain and couldn’t even wait for the doa after solat and ride his motocycle home. Then, he just went, on my grandma’s lap and my uncle’s family who lived with him. The entire family were quite shocked because my grandpa was never really sick. In fact, just the day before, as what he did everyday, he still worked hard in his kebun. So, on the night of his death, the whole family (8 children, 8 in-laws, and several grandchildren), solat maghrib, isyak & tarawikh berjemaah, recite yasin and tahlil for him, lead by the eldest son. I think, there’s two people from kampung came in but since we didn’t expect them, we only serve them tea and some leftover from buka puasa. They came home after the yasin, didn’t even wait for the tahlil, maybe because they felt awkward. So, it was that very night that the family discussed about the inheritance, the debt owed, everything that needed to be discussed, because they weren’t tired from the cooking.
I’m not condemning my father’s side or applauding my mother’s side, it’s just an observation.
Oh, and the trauma? I think I was getting high fever on and off for the whole month from the shock. So, to avoid that, I’d rather not see my grandma then.

So, to all my friends who lost somebody, I dedicate the song ‘Bye bye’ by Mariah Carey, which creepily regularly I’d listened to since Nov 08, coz that’s the first song on my MP3 player in the car.